


perilous pining and poor priorities

by chivalrousamour



Series: modern au/youtube au collection lol??? [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, apparently this is a universe now, dumbass pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:01:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21553513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chivalrousamour/pseuds/chivalrousamour
Summary: Felix, for once, actually puts thought and care into the idea of interacting with someone. As much as he hates to admit it, he's interested in seeing that shining smile and eyes full of admiration once again. He wants to make Ashe say those same words of praise, make that same expression, but this time, he wants Ashe to look athimrather than some knight from a fairy tale.His idea is something along the lines of "defeat Ashe in a sparring match," because where words fail, strength doesn't, and Felix is sure a match can accomplish his goals much better than a conversation can.Then, Ingrid tells him that Ashe isn't part of the fencing club, and Felix's one and only plan falls apart instantly.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Series: modern au/youtube au collection lol??? [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1553266
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80





	perilous pining and poor priorities

It's Dimitri's fault, Felix decides a few days into what must surely be the most awful thing he's ever experienced.

If Dimitri had just worked up the courage to confess to that pigtailed rabbit girl sooner, then then two of them could go off and do whatever mushy, _disgusting_ things they wanted to do, alone, away from Felix.

Instead, Dimitri dithered. Instead, Hilda joined their discussions and chatted with them at lunch. 

So, when a boy from another class went to fetch Hilda for something, Felix was present. And he felt like he got hit by a truck.

The boy, "Ashe," Hilda called him, has a laugh that made Felix freeze in his tracks and a smile that could make the goddess sob with pride. Soft light falls on his silver hair, and his green eyes shines like stars in his excitement.

Felix, predictably, takes this feeling and immediately tries to shove it down into the deepest, darkest, most isolated pits of his mind.

This didn't work out, because suddenly, Felix starts to stare every time the other boy passed by in the hallway. 

And it's pathetic, Felix decides, because the other boy hardly even knows his _name_ , let alone about his incessant staring problem.

He really ought to cut this feeling out of his heart and forget about it. Of course, reality doesn't let him do that.

It's his studies that do him in. Felix might care for science a lot less than he might care for his sword-fighting skills, but he still intended to pass his classes. He goes to the library one day, but soon enough, the descriptions of elements and chemical bonds become too boring for him to focus on. 

Frustrated, Felix stands and shoves his borrowed book away onto some random shelf, when he finds an abandoned book on a table.

It's a familiar title to him. Glenn's favourite book. His older brother used to read it to him all the time as a child, when their father was working well into the night and Felix couldn't sleep for fear of monsters under the bed.

It's nostalgia that does him in, for when Ashe walks in, Felix is flipping through the pages, staring at the illustrations with an incredible sense of longing.

"Oh, you're Ingrid's friend, Felix, right? I didn't know you were interested in this sort of book," Ashe says, and Felix feels his heart stammer at the fact that Ashe seemed to know of him. 

It's far too much, too fast. Before Felix could ask how he knew his name, what Ingrid said about him, Ashe asks if Felix wants to borrow the book, saying that he was already done with it.

And Felix recoils like he had stuck his hand into a furnace. Mind filled with thoughts of _'I need to leave, NOW'_ , he tries to come up with an excuse. 

He just wanted to see who it belonged to, he says, wondering how anyone could be stupid enough to believe that half-baked excuse. They were in a _library_ , for Sothis' sake! It could have been a library book!

But Ashe, he just tries to persuade him to read it, even when Felix says he hates the idea of knights and chivalry. He hated those ever since the explosion, or more accurately, ever since the news, the internet, the radio all painted Glenn as a selfless hero rather than a high school boy who never deserved what he got.

Felix outright says it, even at the cost of making the stardust drain from those green eyes, bitter words and harsh truths spilling from his mouth. Ashe's expression stills.

"You know what, Felix?" Ashe says, and Felix is hoping that's the end of that, that he can now safely forget everything now that Ashe hates him--

"You are _exactly_ like the knight in this story!" he exclaims, pulling the rug out from Felix's feet.

Ashe insists on lending him the book, promising to hear his thoughts when he's done. 

With a bright smile, Ashe leaves. Felix stands there for a few seconds, mentally replaying different bits and pieces of the conversation, until at once, his face turns red.

"Why is this happening...?" Felix asks no one in particular, stuck with a book and a racing heart in the empty space.

* * *

It, unfortunately, becomes a habit. 

When Felix tells him outright that he doesn't care much for the book, Ashe recommends another one. And Felix, like a fool, couldn't tear his eyes away.

Out of curiosity, Felix flips through the next book, wondering what about it could capture Ashe's attention so. What about it could make Ashe's eyes glimmer and his voice sound so animated?

It definitely isn't so Felix could have something to talk about, an excuse to see Ashe in-between courses and lessons, a front-row seat to delighted ramblings and shining smiles.

It's just out of curiosity that Felix keeps reading it, keeps listening. 

(It's really not, but Felix would rather get bitten by a million mosquitoes than admit it.)

* * *

"Felix, I can only summarize so many novels for you," Ingrid says bluntly. 

"You enjoy an excuse to ramble about them," Felix replies.

"True, but you realize that you can just tell Ashe you don't want to read the books, right?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm reading these for a school project."

"We. Are in. The same. Literature. Class."

"I never said it was literature."

"Felix," Ingrid says, narrowing her eyes. "Please, just... talk to him on your own terms."

Felix does not ask _'how'_ , even though it's his immediate reaction. Instead, he just up and leaves Ingrid's room, heads to his home, and throws himself at his bed.

He could tell Ashe that he gave up on reading the books after the second one, but that could possibly disappoint the other boy. He could _ask_ about Ashe, but that meant opening himself up to too many confusing, terrible emotions. He could try and start up a conversation about anything else, but he doesn't know how to do anything of the sort with someone who didn't know him well enough to accept scoffs and insults as valid responses.

Making up his mind, Felix opened his computer and searched up a plot summary of the book.

(On some level, he knows it's hypocritical and, more importantly, cowardly for him to be so hesitant, but something about his pride and the shorter boy's excitement and happiness makes him too weak in the knees to even consider trying anything else as an option.)

* * *

The next time they talk, Ashe says something unexpected.

"It's really fun to talk to you, but... well, I just realized that we spend all our time talking about books! I never once asked anything about you."

Felix's answer comes out as a slow, almost breathless, "...what do you want to know?"

"Is it true that you're the one who set a new win record in the fencing club?" Ashe asks, and Felix nods. Ashe's eyes light up. "That's impressive! I was so stunned when I heard in the announcements that you managed to get the best win/loss record in the entire season!"

Felix normally doesn't care for such things, only caring about getting stronger, but as Ashe asks about fencing and practices, Felix can't help but be grateful for it. 

The problem is, having Ashe's attention and adoration directed at him is an addictive feeling. He's torn between wanting more and wanting to hide away from the overwhelming rush.

But the feeling of wanting Ashe's eyes on him doesn't go away.

* * *

Felix, for once, actually puts thought and care into the idea of interacting with someone. As much as he hates to admit it, he's interested in seeing that shining smile and eyes full of admiration. He wants to make Ashe say those same words of praise, make that same expression at him again.

His idea is something along the lines of "defeat Ashe in a sparring match," because where words fail, strength doesn't, and Felix is sure a match can accomplish his goals much better than a conversation can.

Then, Ingrid tells him that Ashe isn't part of the fencing club, and Felix's one and only plan falls apart instantly.

* * *

Ashe notices Felix glaring at him.

Well, to be honest, it would be hard _not_ to notice.

When he asks, the only answer he gets is a simple, "it's nothing."

Confused, Ashe leaves it at that.

* * *

It's frustrating, not knowing what to do, Felix realizes quickly.

He doesn't know what he wants to ask or how to ask it, nor does he know what sort of conversations he ought to have with Ashe to satisfy his wants. 

In the end, he decides that letting go of his feelings is the best, most convenient way. 

Time passes, and graduation is upon them before they know it. Felix is completely ready to let go and move on, until his first day at college, when he runs into a silver-haired man the same height with a beautiful smile.

"Oh, Felix! Are you a student at the Officer's Academy too? I didn't realize it!" Ashe says, and Felix feels like he got hit by a train. 

_'Oh no. Not again.'_


End file.
